I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
