there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
