The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
