I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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