Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
