This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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