I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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