My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
