well I can't set my house on fire every night
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
