please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
