I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
