i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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