I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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