nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
