dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
