What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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