sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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