Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
