Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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