"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
