Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
