come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Drunk is a universal language darling
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
