i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
