.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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