do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
