You made me cry and you don't even care
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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