he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
