yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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