I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
