I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
