Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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