WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
