i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
