she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
