She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
