The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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