Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
