my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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