I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
