so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
