Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
