U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
