My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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