but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
