How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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