Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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