Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
