Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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