Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
