I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
