you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
