just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
MIDGETS
????
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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