dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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