My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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