You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize