Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
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she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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