four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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