I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
