I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
