i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
