a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
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I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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