I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
