3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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