he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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