Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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