Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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