god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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