nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
