so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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