The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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