what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
